Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.that was a wild ride
if i ever get a DUI, i’d like it to go like this
do yourself a favor and watch this. seriously. but plz don’t drink and drive.
nature is amazing
DONT DRINK AND DRIVE, but yes please watch this it’s Fuckn GREAT
with this guys plethora of skills I honestly believed for a minute that he was just really weird and not at all drunk
THE ENDING OMFG WATCH TILL THE ENDING
EVERYONE NEEDS TO WATCH THIS
anemotionallyunstablecreature:
George R.R. Martin is ruthless - every death in the Game of Thrones series is tabbed
im not even in the GOT fandom but how the fuck are any of you still breathing
Our motto is ‘don’t get attached they probably die’
jesus
he died too, but it was a different book.
when yr so tired ur eyelids are like SHUT IT DOWN BOYS but ur brian is like OPEN THOSE GATES LADS n ur closing ur eyes then opening then closing then opening then closing then opening then closing
“ur brian”
listen here mate i know what i said and i stick by it i cling to my mistakes like a real man
This broke my heart.
I’ve struggled with depression for years and there have been many days when I didn’t want to wake up. Black people, we need to look out for each other, check on the people around you and stop telling people to turn a church/mosque or going out…listen to them, don’t silence them.
Check on a black man today.
Check on a black woman today.
Check on a black person in your life and see if they are okay.Black mental health matters
Oh no
My husband and I are surprising our 6 year old by taking him to Disney for his b-day tomorrow. We’ve been in the car for 4+ hours and he still thinks we are on our way home from school. He keeps saying “looks like we’re almost home!” 😂
Bless his heart.
Update: we arrived to Disney World, he thinks we took a wrong turn and is very concerned about who is going to feed our cat.